Can you be “normal” and spiritual?
The old ways of thinking and perceiving how I am supposed to look or act need to be released because it doesn’t matter what the outside perception of me is.
There is this old way of thinking that if you identify as something, then it means that you look, act, and behave in a certain way. It’s this thinking that has kept me trapped in an uncomfortable liminal space, the one between rejecting my spirituality and gifts and accepting them to let them flourish.
From the time I became aware of magic and witchcraft, I also became aware of what you were “supposed to look like” if you practiced it.
Growing up at punk rock shows predominantly held in Salem, Massachusetts, I saw these tropes firsthand. The occult was as pervasive there as you can imagine, and it came with the cast of characters one has come to expect from those who identify with being a member of the occult. Gothic looks with top hats, black lipstick, capes, ghostly pale skin, and a generally off-putting demeanor. Psychics with fantastical gifts but also heroin addictions or a simultaneous fear of being seen and being overshadowed.
It isn’t just what you’re supposed to look like that has caught me in the in between. There are also many perceptions of what you can and cannot do if you’re a spiritual healer. The list ranges from charging any amount of money for your gifts and teachings to banishing alcohol, sugar, caffeine, gluten, and animal products from your day-to-day life.
There is a lot of pressure not just to be spiritual but also to find scientific connections and proof of what you share online. As though science is the ultimate truth and what you personally experience in your own body can’t possibly be valid without first having gone through rigorous scientific research.
There is also a lot of pressure to have an opinion and to choose a side on absolutely every single activist cause on the planet. Nowadays, you get canceled if you don’t speak up because your silence is violence – but to be clear, if you speak up and you aren’t taking a side, you’re just as canceled as the person who isn’t saying anything.
The deep homogenization and expectations put on someone with spiritual and energetic gifts are soul-crushing.
Trying to keep up with all of the rules, expectations, and perceptions at a certain point broke me.
In craving a normal life, I let all the practices and identities fall away—all of them.
I was tired of the rules and restrictions placed on me by spiritual dogma, all of which were translated through the human mind and, therefore, included human flaws, assumptions, and controls.
I wanted to enjoy my career in tech and the money that came with it. I wanted to buy nice things, clothes, and luxurious experiences.
I wanted to enjoy a beer or two at a local brewery with my partner, talking about anything and everything that came to mind as our souls came together.
I wanted to look beautiful and put together, but also choose not to wash my hair for three days or put on anything other than sweatpants. I wanted the option to read, play video games, or binge TV shows without the pressure of feeling like I needed to be doing more with myself...
That I always needed to be ready with a clear head, an open ajna, and energy vibrating in my hands.
Being called to come back to my practices – and I mean my practices, the ones of my soul’s lineage – has had me feeling a certain level of fear and grief. I’ve been enjoying living a normal life, but if I am really honest, I’ve also been feeling stagnant and a bit hollow.
I’ve still been studying and living my human design experiment. I’ve been working with astrology to heal wounds and unlock the teachings of my subconscious. I’ve been taking on inner expeditions to decondition myself, and these journeys have made something clear.
It’s time to create new habits, practices, and modes of living that will empower me to return to my Euro-indigenous roots and my work as a healing arts practitioner.
The old ways of thinking and perceiving how I am supposed to look or act need to be released because it doesn’t matter what the outside perception of me is. It matters how I perceive myself, that I follow my intuition and feel at home inside of myself – how else can I guide others to do the same if I don’t first start with me?
With the mentors and teachers I have on this path who embody a lifestyle free from the esoteric and pseudo-spiritual judgments of others, I know it’s possible for me to be both normal and spiritual.
To love my journey at the spa as much as I love my journey in my inner world.
To create just as much magic in my rituals, whether I am wearing my Sézane sweater or my Hanes sweats.
It’s just as spiritual to be an intuitive guiding others as it is to connect with my partner over a couple of hand-crafted beers at sunset.
We’re here on earth as souls having a human experience. While it may be the purpose of some to live an extremely spiritual life, to have strong opinions, and live in utter purity…it isn’t mine. Embracing beauty, self-care, spirituality, and the divinity in nature empowers me to be at home inside of myself and to connect with humanity.
It brings me into the light and makes it possible for me to help others find their ray of the sun.
